Being tired of doing the same three lvl2 mining missions over and over again, I figured I'd sign up for a tier II security mission.
...It went exactly as planned, to a point. As soon as I warped into the rat lair, my ship was immobilised, but fortunately I was in the perfect 10km range to unleash hell upon those poor suckas. one. rat. at. a. time, usually managing to kill one and keeping my shield recharger running while everyone wailed on me until my cap was depleted, and I had to warp out to a nearby station to cry a little bit and run my armour repair module.
Things was goin' smooth for a while there, but then some jive motherfuckers started warping in as reinforcements. Dayum! The rat count shot from 6,5,4,3,2,1...to more than my puny brain could count in the seconds I took to warp the fuck outta that death trap.
My Punisher frigate may not be worth much, but my brain implants are...
Upon returning to the field of battle, I counted 15 new aggressors. Oh boy...I decided to use my wits for once, and attacked two outlying ones, easily exploding them to oblivion. My next target was the central stasis field generator hindering my movement, ALL BATTERIES FIRE! ...pew pew...dink dink. Barely scratching its surface.
Shortly thereafter, my Punisher was promptly destroyed by the 13 remaining rat bastards...fuck.
To alleviate my pain, I remembered that rats never pod-kill a player, so my implants were safe in my clone, so that's something.
How did I not remember this sooner? These intelligence and memory upgrades I got don't work for shit!
Most fortuitously, while I was getting my ass handed to me by those filthy pirates, my petition to CCP went through. I'd inquired why I hadn't received a Coercer destroyer as a bonus for signing up to the game as advertised. Sadly, as the subscription process had been completed, they couldn't give me a ship using that promotion. What they suggested instead was giving me 30 days more free game time and the Coercer I wanted.
Remember when I said that buying a mining barge at 30% its market value was the best deal ever?
Now. This! This deal, my friend, this truly is the best deal ever. Using ingame monetary value of one PLEX and the ship, I got way over half a billion ISK worth of stuff just by complaining.
Remember, kids! If you're a newbie idiot, fuck up, and whine courteously, and you'll receive free shit!
That's why I decided to name my brand new Coercer Life Lessons.
But enough talk, I have some unfinished business with those mission rats! Good thing the time limit on that mission's bonus payout was 6 hours.
Some of my best fittings were lost in that battle, including several laser cannons I'd lovingly crafted myself, but fortunately I still had a few in storage. However, this beast of a ship (shut up, a destroyer is a beast to me, okay?) can hold up to 8 of these bad boys, so instead of cancelling my sell order for 35 of them (selling rather well too), I just bought the four that are selling for cheaper than mine are... suckas! Now I own the nearby market!
Sadly the huge shield boosters I'd been manufacturing and selling at a tidy profit for a while were still too big for my destroyer...but some day I'll have a battleship, yes...some day.
My cash stack had been hovering around 36 million for several days now, as I was on average earning 10 million a day and spending the same amount on skill books, modules, what have you. I finally broke the 40 million ISK mark, thanks to the 400k ISK insurance payout on my punisher (which I won't replace, seeing as I still have two ventures and a magnate in the frigate class), and more importantly my manufactured goods are selling well. Huzzah!
Getting back to the fight...almost two hours after it started, my eight dual light beam laser cannons unleashed a fury the likes of...wait a second...
*slams head against spaceship hull repeatedly*
In the excitement of fitting out my destroyer, stupid ol' me had forgotten to equip crystals on the cannons. No ammo, no shooting...Life Lessons indeed.
A short trip to home base and back later, outfitted with custom imperial navy infrared crystals, Life Lessons opened a volley on two puny pirates, who died faster than I could type this sentence. However, there is tremendous strength in numbers, and my shields and armour were getting depleted, so I had to weed them down the same way I took on the earlier bastards, one at a time, warping out to lick my wounds.
6-7 jumps back and forth later, finally, I was down to the last mofo from the second wave...he was doing minimal damage to me, so I start crawling towards the stasis tower at 100m/s to take it down one and for all.
11 more bogeys warp in. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, I'm getting tired of this goddamn bullshit.
Now if the 1st wave was an order of magnitude too hard for a frigate, but manageable and the second wave was an order of magnitude too hard for a destroyer...the third wave...oyh...after 3 jumps to and fro, I was suddenly down to 15% hull integrity, and even firing all 7 cannons on a single target didn't do a difference.
I gave up.
DAMN! 3 hours wasted in this fucking mission.
Just to makes myself feel a little less inadequate, I quickly did a little level I security mission without even repairing my hull first, obliterating all opposition in my wake. Ah, that feels better.
...I'm sticking to mining and manufacturing from here on out...Life Lessons.
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